Lesbians tend to fall into pattern after being w/ the same lover for more than 1 year (8 months if you want to consider my immediate circle). This pattern consists of the everyday errand/work schedule that makes the two women co-dependant upon each other. These activities start to slowly play its toll on the weekly "hanging out" or "spontaneous" activities that took place before things started getting serious. These roles may also make it easy for one or both partners to start moving away from what they Love to do and move more towards what is more "practical" to do. Companionship becomes more important than individuality and family and/or relationship values start to fester in with thoughts of what is and isnt acceptable.
Somewhere in this tornado, waiting to be turned into a hurricane (that will uproot any solid ground and cause mass evacuation), there is a since of self that has become buried or that has been set free. It is up to the woman to decide. Any feelings of Regret, resent, disrespect, or defeat should not be glorified for being one step closer to what a previous lover was not. Your satisfaction should lay within what you've gotten past, but push towards what you aspire to reach. Are you now seeing the best of you, or not seeing yourself at all?
Becoming complacent can lead to a number of relationship problems such as emotional and/or physical abuse or infidelity. Noah's Arc (logo channel) coined the fraze best when they described a complacent relationship as "bored and jaded".
Since it has been brought to my immediate attention that most Women loose the ability to catch themselves when they fall into this dark ebiss selflessness and acceptance, I have formed a list of things to ask yourself, or your partner to see where you to fall. Are you two TRULY content in your relationship, or have you become complacent in your current circumstance?
*please feel free to add, comment, and email your additional questions and opinions.
1) You come home from a long days work, the only think you can think about when you come through the door is kicking off your shoes and heading to the shower. Dinner is cooked as usual and smells great! Do you:
a)Breeze by, She knows the routine. You can discuss the menu and days events after you shower.
b)Walk in throw your bags down. Make sure you comment on how great it looks/taste nomatter whether or not you decide to eat, and then rush to the shower.
c)Why did she cook? You already picked up Popeyes!
2)On a conversational level you and your mate seem to have it together. However in an argument you:
a)Get your point across nomatter what is going on or who is watching b/c she shouldnt have started w/ you anyway.
b)Let her have her moment. I mean who cares who's right or wrong an argument is just a disagreement right???
c)Hide, you didnt mean to start this argument to begin with , so might as well find a corner.
3)All of your friends have decided to go to Vegas for the week. You can schedule the day off , however your mate doesnt like crowds and can be anti-social at times. U :
a)Are so excited you schedule the week off w/o consulting with your mate and book the trip. I mean, its just a week she'll understand right??
b)Ask your mate what she thinks. If she doesnt want to go you and your friends could still have the vacation for a lifetime.
c)Tell your friends by the end of the convo all the reasons why you couldnt go, leaving your mate to the last reason b/c you already know that she will say no.
4)You get a phone call from your boss for an excellent new job opportunity. You have been looking for advancement in the company for a while and now is your chance. You:
a)Turn down the opportunity b/c it conflict with your mates work schedule and she wouldnt like that.
b)Take the opportunity and plan the ULTIMATE family event so that you can break the news and brainstorm on new ways to take advantage of your off days
c)Tell your boss that you cant take the opportunity for a number of reasons. Never ask your mate, (whats the point), and go home and sulk about what could have been.
5)You win a contest and get to pick your dream vacation! U:
a)Pick what your mate wants. That would make the Perfect vacation for you two right?
b)You and your mate pick a neutral place, one you both like. After pricing the tickets you both work out a master plan to get atleast one other friend and their mate to come too.Group Vacations are the best!
c)Go pick up your tickets and only tell the person who you want to go with you on the trip ( your bestie ) , and come up with a story to tell your mate and other friends about a family emergency so noone gets jealous.
Think that was easy???
Well, here is the break down.
3+ A's =
You seem to be complacent with waht makes the family works, and what your mate needs. However you are not even thinking or taking in consideration what you need for yourself. You may have a functional relationship but are you truly happy?? Do you know what you want, who you are, or what makes you tick? Do you know what you would do if somebody else "more exciting" was to walk by? (*answer that one carefully, the end result may be the answer to your future)
3+ B's =
You seem to have the relationship thing down. It seems hard to balance between your happiness and your partners, but as long as you keep trying to atleast incorporate each others needs into your daily activities you should be fine. Keep all lines of communication open. You seem to be content w/ being in a relationship and carrying out your everday activities. As long as you continue to evenly balance yourself as an individual and yourself w/ your partner, being Content will be second nature.
3+ C's =
You are Content with being yourself and Complacent in your relationship status. You are okay with making decisions and carrying on life as if noone else (including your mate) matters. As long as your mate excepts this you will stay Complacent in your relationship. You may be Content with what this person lets you do, but who is spending all this time w/ you if they are not? Who are you confiding in if you are not confiding in your partner? When you partner does not want to reached who are you touching? The gap may be confortable space for the two of you but may be a harmful wall to your relationship. Is your happiness more important than your mates? How does she feel about that? Do you Care?
Break even?
- B's and A's/C's: Needs work, but atleast you are trying. Make a balance between each others needs seperately AND as a whole.
- C's and B's: Complacent, and either selfish or selfless. I'm sure these two individuals know which end of the spectrum they sit on, so my advise is to meet somewhere in the middle or call it quits. Ms. Right may not be Ms. Right Now.
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